Tuesday, August 28, 2012

FEATURE: LoEB ''Ninja Attack!''

Look out! Color-coded Ninjas!

This week's League of Extraordinary Bloggers assignment comes to us from Howie Decker at UnderScoopFIRE! and, as it's some kind of sports picking season or something, it's about fantasy drafts.

Who would you take in an 80′s character fantasy draft? Your team’s goal will be to defeat a shady conglomerate of Russian businessmen and their team of hired ninjas. It’s go time.

My immediate thoughts were of a dream team including MacGuyver, the Grandpa from Troll 2 (think about it - unlimited double-decker bologna sandwiches and Molotov Cocktails) and Lee Van Cleef's ''The Master'' but then I had a brainwave: I'm going to use factional characters. (A factional character is a real-life character used in a fictional setting, whose character is often the perception of, rather than the actuality of, their reality.)

So with that in mind, here's my ultimate Anti-Ninja team:

1. Count Dante
If you're going up against an army of Ninja then who better to defeat them than ''the Deadliest Man Alive,'' Count Dante?

Not only is he an expert in the world's deadliest martial art, Dim Mak, but he's also rather handy with explosives and an expert in infiltration techniques. I also like to think that he can summon - Monkey-style - the Black Dragon Fighting Society to his side using some elaborate plucked hair and whistling technique, although I may pushing the envelope a little there.

2. Nikola Tesla
Long before Tony Stark was pissing about with metal suits and arc generators there was Nikola Tesla. A genius whose work still casts a long shadow over not just the scientific community but society in general, Tesla would - in our super team - act as our super science hero.

He'd probably invent some kind of ethertronic peace chariot for the team to fly around in, which would also be pretty neat.

3. E.W. Barton-Wright
A lot of you are probably thinking ''who?'' and in all honesty, I wouldn't blame you for not knowing of this chap or his legacy. But if you're a fan of Sherlock Holmes then you'll probably know of the Great Detective's martial prowess, particularly with a fighting form known as Baritsu, a fictional martial art  many scholars now believe may have been a miss-spell of the real fighting style known as Bartitsu.

Created by E.W. Barton-Wright, Bartitsu is a form of combat for gentlemen, utilizing boxing techniques, grappling moves and even improvised weapons (such as walking canes and coats) to overcome any attackers one might encounter. As Ninja tend to be a sneaky lot, having somebody equally as adept at surprise attacks could come in handy.

4. Harry Houdini
Escapologist, illusionist and expert in sleight of hand, Harry Houdini's role in the team is not to be a front-line combatant but rather to provide intel, utilizing his infiltration and escape techniques to scout the area before an attack and provide exit strategies afterward.

He may not be the toughest of guys (although he was able to take blows to the stomach without flinching) but sometimes a subtle approach is needed.

5. Bruce Lee
What is there to say about Bruce Lee that hasn't already been said?

I could tell you how he revolutionized the world of martial arts, or how his movies kickstarted a craze that lead to an interest in the Eastern fighting styles that's lived on to this day, but beyond all of that, there's one fact the Internet Generation needs to know: this is the man who taught Chuck Norris how to kick ass.

If that's not reason enough to send an army of Ninja running in soiled pants, I don't know what is.


So that's my line-up of Science Ninjas. What did my fellow League Members have to offer?

See the full run-down at Cool and Collected. Or better yet, add your own contribution to the list!

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