Wednesday, December 5, 2012

FEATURE: LoEB ''Merry Geekmas''

Ho! Ho Ho! And what would you like for Christmas? How about a festive League of Extraordinary Bloggers assignment!

This week, Brian at Cool and Collected gave us the following assignment:

Merry Geekmas! Write or photograph something festive and pop culture oriented.

I'm not sure quite how pop culture-ish this post is but I'm going to run with it anyway and introduce you to a  visitor who calls by our house every year around this time of year.

Like many American families, we have an Elf who comes to visit us on the run up to Christmas. Ours is named Charlie and he likes to sit on a shelf and bestow little gifts to our kids, giving them a preview of what Santa Claus will be doing - should they behave and be good. And of course, if they misbehave then Charlie lets Santa know all about it!

But we also have another festive visitor and his name is Englbert the Goblin.

Englbert showed up not long after Charlie. We're really not sure where he came from, but one day when we were unpacking our Christmas shopping we found he'd managed to sneak his way into one of our bags. Later that night he left the first of what became his signature notes, scrawled, messy, crumpled pieces of paper filled with spelling mistakes, poor grammar and random threats, where he introduced himself as ''Me Goblin. Me Englbert. Me want eat Elf. Me also eat kids when kids bad. Elfs taste best. Kids taste good to.''

Thankfully our kids have always behaved since Englbert showed up. The offerings of gum, toys and cookies they started leaving at his feet probably helped, too.

Not long afterward Englbert was joined by his two companions, a dog-like gargoyle he introduced as ''Humperdink'' and his pet chicken called ''Chikan (Dumas).'' From Englbert's language and limited literary skills, we assume ''Dumas'' is not a reference to the French author.

Although Englbert is usually pretty placid, he has been known to move around when nobody's looking - and even occasionally when he's observed, such as the time a visiting friend of my son's happened to see him peeping around a door frame. But it's on Christmas Eve when he tends to be most active.

Here he is pictured with his ''Chrismas Stik'' and ''Poop Spoon,'' two tools he uses to wreck Christmas Eve by stealing Santa's cookies, drinking my beer from the fridge and smashing up the Reindeers' carrots (Goblins, apparently, ''hate carots becuase they smel.''). Every Christmas morning we awaken to find him enjoying the festivities by getting drunk and passing out, usually clad in a fancy dress outfit improvised from various items in our kitchen. His Marilyn Monroe-style coffee filter skirt was impressive but I personally think he's yet to top his oven mitt Pope outfit.

Englbert has yet to catch Charlie, who - thankfully - has a glowing plastic sword with which to protect himself. But who knows? One year Englbert may just get his Christmas wish...


So how about my other League Members and their festive posts?


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