Thursday, March 1, 2012

FEATURE: The League of Extraordinary Bloggers - Assignment 4

It's time once again for another assignment for The League of Extraordinary Bloggers!

This week, Brian at Cool and Collected mixed it up a little, with a ''March Madness'' theme, which I believe is currently popular right now due to sports being played this month and it being an insane time to do it. Or something. But from what I gather, whichever teams scores the most home runs in the Basketball wins the Super Bowl.

Our challenge is to apply this same knockout system to movie and TV tough guys (and Bruce Lee) to determine the Biggest Badass of Them All...

So... Seconds out... Round One!

1st Round
Bruce Lee vs John McClane
McClane has - since Die Hard 3 - been unable to shed blood, resulting in an easy win for Lee.

Dirty Harry vs John Rambo
Dirty Harry wins because Stallone didn't have time to appear here and in the other bracket as Rocky Balboa.

Col. James Braddock vs Jason Bourne
Jason Bourne wins as he is unfamiliar with Internet memes.

Snake Plissken vs Frank Martin, 
Snake Plissken has the initial advantage due to being awesome, but is overcome with laughter when he hears Frank Martin's ''American'' accent, thus allowing The Transporter to kick his head off.

James Bond vs John Connor
Bond breaks Connor's neck in an off-hand, casual manner. And then has a vodka martini.

Indiana Jones vs Dominic Toretto
Toretto wins due to Jones being over one hundred years old.

Rocky Balboa vs Sgt. Martin Riggs
Riggs is too busy getting his mullet permed and misses the match. Babloa wins by default.

Ash Williams vs Jack Bauer
Bauer falls asleep mid-fight due to being awake for the last 30-odd hours. Williams advances.

2nd Round
Bruce Lee vs Dirty Harry
Dirty Harry advances again, this time due to Bruce Lee remembering he actually died in 1973.

Jason Bourne vs Frank Martin
Nobody knows who won this fight, as it's still underway. Last time we checked, the exciting hand-to-hand urban Ninja battle had moved onto the top of a flaming bus inside a volcano, where Martin had greased himself up with butter and was using his rolled-up underpants to counter Bourne's improvised weapon - a particularly sharp slice of cake.

James Bond vs Dominic Toretto
Toretto elects to move the battle ''to the streets'' and attempts to out-drag Bond's Aston Martin, not realising heat-seeking missiles come as standard in Q Branch-issued vehicles. Bond casually wins and then has some sex.

Rocky Balboa vs Ash Williams
Rocky's deft footwork and one-two jabs are no match for Ash's boomstick.

Final 4
In a surprise turn of events, Snake Plissken - who everybody thought was dead - turns up and promptly kills everybody before blowing himself up, thus ensuring he never has to appear in a reputation-destroying sequel to the awesome Escape from New York.

Winner: Snake Plissken (and the audience)

Learn more about this week's assignment at Cool and Collected and see what my fellow Leaguers had to say:

Jboypacman makes some good points about a Rambo vs Braddock battle...
Brian's winner gets to go do Disney World...

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